In our busy lives, one experience tends to blend into another. Often we do not complete the previous experience before starting the next one. This keeps us from being present. The unfinished experiences start to build up and keep us anxious and overwhelmed. A way to complete experiences and not drag one into another is called "Closure." Following are the 6 steps of Closure:
1. Acceptance of the reality of the situation.
2. Reconciliation: Learning something.
3. Asking: What can I do about it?
4. Determination to have things differently.
5. Look at your possibilities.
6. Put your focus in front of you!
One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, "I am unlovable." We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.
But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.
Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reinforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We
All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid- yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this winter time of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us. We seek to change the relationship.
When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with this person. The person that has the contract broken on them usually feels betrayed, hurt, or angry. The person that breaks the contract often feels guilty. These dynamics tend to happen
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.