We are determined to change people. We want people to be who we think they should be. We want people to be who we need them to be. It doesn't seem to matter to us if it is something that they want to be. It doesn't even seem to matter if it is something they are able to be. Yet when they turn out to not be who we needed them to be, we feel hurt and betrayed. We are disappointed over and over again.
The Grateful Dead song, Foolish Heart, written by Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia came into my head years after I had last heard it to help me understand a vital lesson.In 2003, I had been sharing tender, vulnerable things about to myself to critical people. Bart Anderson, the spiritual teacher that I was working with shocked me one day. He said, "They don't deserve your heart." This seemed
Most of our relationships have become casual. We allow them evolve without thinking about how we want them to be. We do not take the time to maintain them or keep them on track. What if... we invested some time to define our relationships by thinking about and deciding what we want them to be. We could ask ourselves: What am I looking for in this relationship? Then, we could set "parameters"
Next time you are mad at someone, send them a prayer. It doesn't have to be Christian. It doesn't even have to be a prayer. Send them a blessing, some love, or positive thoughts. The Secret http://www.thesecret.tv talks about the power of our thoughts. Point is- they probably could use all the help they can get. They are probably experiencing pain, stress, and difficulty. Them pushing you away, being short with you, judging you, or being irresponsible likely has nothing to do with you. They are probably projecting their misery onto you.
So next time you want to throttle them, send them a prayer. Send them some love- or better yet love them. Not only will it
"You only allow as much love as you feel like you deserve." This is a quote by Bart Anderson, a spiritual teacher that I studied with for many years. So what happens to the love that we that we do not allow? We push it away. In other words, we push people away when they are trying to love us. When someone is getting closer than we are comfortable with, we push them away. We all do it.
So... all we have to do to experience more love in our life is to stop pushing people away when they are trying to love us. Sounds simple enough. And it is simple, but it is not easy.
First we have to identify how we push people away, then see
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.