Someone approaches you. They seem drawn to you. You want both of you to get value from your interaction. As they speak to you, try asking yourself Who, What, and Why:
Who is this person? See them as they are. Let go of your preconceptions of them. Let go of how you need them to be. If you are open and pay attention, people will always tell you who they are.
What are they saying to me? Listen beyond the words. Hear their intent.
Why are they saying this to me? They could have said this to someone else- they picked you. This is discerning who you are "in relation to" them. It is understanding your present connection with them. From this comes what role to take with
them. You have to feel this- it comes from your instincts and intuition. You have to trust what you are feeling. It may not make sense intellectually.
This can also be a powerful tool if you are stuck in a relationship with unfinished business. Simply start over with them- that is take everything you thought you knew about the person and discard it. Ask the questions: Who are they? What are they trying to say to me? Why are they trying to work that out with me? Think back to some of your interactions and see them in a new light.
Or... if you sense that you are drawn to or have unresolved issues with someone, flip the questions and ask them of yourself: Who is this person? What am I trying to say to them? Why am I saying it to them? Determine what they represent to you and if they are willing and able to provide you with what you need.
The discernment gleaned from these questions can help us get what we need from each other. We can help each other along on our journeys through life.
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.