One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, "I am unlovable." We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.
But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.
Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reinforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We
unconsciously love people that are unable to love us back. We push away people that are able to love us. We feel lonely on Valentine's Day.
Maybe it is time to scrap the "unlovable" belief system. If we become consciously aware of our patterns of loving people that are unavailable and/or pushing people that do love us away, we can make different choices.
By allowing people to love us, we disprove and eradicate the unlovable self-belief.
So this Valentine's Day, I invite you to look for signs that you are loved- rather than signs that you are not. I am willing to bet there are people all around you trying to love you. Can you see them?
Happy Valentine's Day.
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.