Wherever we spend our holidays says which family is most important to us. Whichever family gets the most priority during the holidays is our primary family. What is the important part of my holiday and whom I spend that with? Do we go to their house or do they come to ours? Where is Thanksgiving dinner? Where do we open our presents?
Our primary family is what we see ourselves to be most a part of. It is where we feel that we most belong. What we are most a part of is our primary role-identification. Am I primarily a husband and father or am I primarily my parents' son? I have to choose. Whether we realize it our not, what we emphasize during the holidays tells our mates, our children, our parents, and everyone around us where we stand. Actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes our family of origin is so strong, that we forget that our new family needs to be acknowledged. Do we trust our new family enough to make it our priority? Are we worried about hurting people's feelings? By acting to not hurt people's feelings, are we breaking other people's hearts?
It does not mean we can't be part of several families and celebrate them at different times. But which one are we most a part of? Which relationships are the most important to us? That is probably the family we should consider emphasizing the most this holiday season.
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.