Buddhism clearly identifies attachment as the thing that prevents us from being free. The pattern I have been noticing in myself and my clients is that attachment almost always stems from needing something to be something it is not. We become attached to things being the way we need them to be.
Then we typically rail against the way things are. Spiritual teacher, Adyashanti aptly calls this “an argument with the way things are.” And this is a disagreement we are destined to lose. And beyond the argument, what we ultimately lose is our freedom and presence of mind.
We are conditioned to look outside of ourselves to evaluate ourselves and determine if what we did was acceptable. This of course does not work, because we are evaluating ourselves in terms of other people’s notions of us. These notions are ultimately based in terms of how they think we should be. This typically results in us feeling really poorly about ourselves. In order to dodge this bullet, we need to discipline ourselves to look to ourselves to evaluate ourselves. In other words, look inside instead of outside. And to do this we need standards to evaluate ourselves with. Call them your standards of excellence.
Once you have standards of excellence for yourself, all you
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.