Other people do not have the same reality as you do. They have different beliefs about the way the world is. Those beliefs affect their perception of the world. The world looks and feels different to them. They literally live in a different world than you do.
This became utterly apparent when I was doing a family therapy session last week. A father and son had very different realities indeed. They both spent most of the session trying to get the other to see that his reality is the correct one. They both tried to win the other over to their world. I spent most of the session trying to get each of them to understand the other's reality.
It is really easy to underestimate the effect you have on those around you. How you affect people is very difficult to discern. The effect of the way you carry yourself and the things you say and do is much larger than you think.
I have noticed this over the past five years when I moved several times. There were friends and acquaintances that I figured were casual. When I left, I realized how important our relationship was to them (and to me). Many of these relationships were on the periphery. I was there for business or some other thing. But unbeknownst to me, important connections were being made. People were getting things from me (and vice-
No matter what you do, someone is going to have an issue with it. So... you might as well do what you want to- and let them have an issue with that. And because you are being true to yourself, you will naturally meet with the people that you have an affinity with.
It has been said that one-third of the people you meet like you, one-third do not like you, and one-third do not really care. It's a personality thing. It can be seductive to try to get the people that do not like you to like you. Perhaps you try to be all things to all people. Or you worry that if someone does to like you, there must be something wrong. Then there are the people that don't care. The problem with them is- well, they don't
About the Author
I, Michael Hoffman, am a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 25 years experience in counseling and teaching experiential workshops. I have maintained this blog since 2009, and my second book Natural Way of Being will published in 2019.
I offer in-person and video-conferencing counseling, intensive workshops, and online courses to allow participants to directly experience their natural way of being and the life they would have for themselves.