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Feeling trapped is not a pleasant feeling. Oppression comes from the inability to see the possibilities available to you. So being trapped ultimately is an illusion. But when you are in the middle of it, it sure feels real. The first thing to understand is that the source of the oppression is inside of you. You could argue that clearly your job or boss is oppressing you. At one level this is true. But there is something inside of you that is allowing the job, coworker, boss,

People find themselves in life situations they need to complete and understand. True compassion is allowing them (or yourself) to work out what they need to. We allow children to learn the lessons they need. Well, adults are trying to learn lessons too. Why not extend that same courtesy to them? Let them work it out. It is likely not rational or intellectual. They need the experience- so they can understand it. This allows them to complete the lesson or accept the truth. Then

Your ability to attain what you want depends on the way that you view yourself in relation to what you want. Decide what you want and commit yourself to it. Know that it is going to happen- it is just a matter of time. Every day take another step closer to what you want. It could be a small step like making a phone call, sending an email, or researching something. But every day, take another step. When you get frustrated with the lack of what you really want, remind yourself

Is the glass half-full or half-empty? Do you focus on the people that like you or the people that don't like you? Do you focus on the 10 positive things in your employee review or the 1 negative? Do you focus on the things you have or the things you don't have? Many of us focus on the negative. We have a "propensity of the negative." Why? The negative resonates with our negative self-belief system that tells us that there is something wrong with us- that we are deficient in s

You can walk through life open or shut down. So how can you stay open and vulnerable without being taken advantage of or setting yourself up for the slaughter? The best skill I have come across for this was taught to me by Bart Anderson. He called it "folding over the envelope". We tend to view our relationships as "all or nothing". We tend to share every part of ourselves or no part at all. Folding over the envelope starts with walking open and giving people the benefit of t

Our deepest issues are with ourselves. All anger, resentment, regret, and betrayal are ultimately self-directed- if we are willing to take them deep enough. Once we see and accept that it is us that let us down, true healing can begin. This healing is accomplished by finding compassion for yourself. You have to go back when you let yourself, your children, or the people you care about down. You need to understand why you made that choice. Regardless of the outcome, what was y

In our busy lives, one experience tends to blend into another. Often we do not complete the previous experience before starting the next one. This keeps us from being present. The unfinished experiences start to build up and keep us anxious and overwhelmed. A way to complete experiences and not drag one into another is called "Closure." Following are the 6 steps of Closure: 1. Acceptance of the reality of the situation. 2. Reconciliation: Learning something. 3. Asking: What c

All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid- yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this wintertime of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us and may seek to change the relationship. When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with

All things affect. Continuing with the seasonal theme of introspection and reevaluating our lives, it is essential to consider how the environments we expose ourselves to affect us. Environments include our home, neighborhood, workplace, relationship, friendships, and social arenas. One of the stories that we tell ourselves is that we live in a vacuum and the environments we experience do not affect much. We can handle it. We are tough and resilient. We have good boundaries.

Choosing and understanding the nature of your forthcoming interactions is essential. Once you have set up your interaction properly, it is vitally important to let go and surrender to the experience. I picture this as pushing your boat in the right direction before you let go and experience where the river takes you. Most of us are good at one or the other. Some of us are good at planning our interactions. These "planners" set up everything just right, but often do not get ou

One of my all-time favorite metaphors is that of the rose. It has beauty and delicateness, but also thorns. My interpretation is that with beauty comes pain. With the love and the unfoldment of beauty with another human comes inevitable pain. They are a package deal. We can't care that deeply with another and expect to not get hurt. Most of us have been hurt or betrayed by loving someone. We seek the love and beauty that comes from exposing our hearts and becoming vulnerable,

What is sacred to us are the things that are most important to us. When we share these parts of ourselves we become exposed and vulnerable. We have an emotional and spiritual need to share these sacred things with people. This is what intimacy and closeness are. I refer to this as allowing them into our "sacred space." It seems that something so important and vulnerable as allowing someone into your sacred space ought to have some ground rules. The number one parameter for so