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Relationship Coaching

Find Clarity In Your Relationship
Share Your True Natures With Each Other
Feel Closeness, Romance, and Passion

A critical question for anyone wanting a truly loving relationship...

What’s the biggest difference between...

... enjoying closeness, love, and connection in your marriage or intimate relationship,

... and experiencing distance and loneliness (and not knowing what to do about it)?

If you guessed...

You're just not really cut out for this intimate relationship thing.

You’d be wrong.

 

If you guessed...

It's because you do not love each other enough.

You’d still probably be wrong.

 

And if you guessed...

You haven’t done couples counseling or read enough Brene Brown books.

You’d still be oh-so-terribly wrong.

Because while couples counseling and relationship books have their place... 

... there's something even more essential to understanding what is truly going on in your relationship and how to address it.

I call it relationship clarity, and it's the cornerstone of a truly loving relationship.

Relationship clarity begins with the willingness to look at your relationship exactly as it is. That combined with investigating relationship dynamics such as what's about you and what's about your partner.

But before we go deeper into that, let's explore a little bit more about what you might be experiencing...

Do you feel like the current state of your relationship is becoming unsustainable... and that something needs to shift?

Living in a disconnected and distant relationship can get really painful. And lonely. I think it's often more painful to feel so lonely when you're in a relationship than when you're single. Being in a marriage or relationship inevitably carries the expectation that there should be a least some degree of closeness and connection.

The loneliest and most painful thing I think I've ever experienced is when I was married and we were experiencing disconnection and ambiguity. I clearly remember reaching over and touching her shoulder in an invitation to embrace while we were in bed before we went to sleep. I wasn't even expecting to have sex. It was just a desperate attempt to have some kind of connection.

She rolled over leaving her back to me without saying a word.

I remember lying there next to my estranged wife feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I never felt more alone in my entire life. How did it get to this point?

That was the defining moment when I declared to myself. "I can't do this anymore. We either need to find a way to move through this, or I need to leave."

Has it gotten to the point that it's time to address what's going on in your relationship?

Or perhaps you're just ready for more closeness and joy and in your relationship.

Because either way, until you figure out what's really going on, it's tough to know what to do about it.

But at first, you put it off. And hope your relationship will somehow magically work itself through it. You say to yourself, "We're just going through a challenging phase, right?"

But then it doesn't seem to go away. In fact, things may actually be getting worse.

It's painful to look at and difficult to accept that things are not working in your relationship. There's just so much to lose. So naturally, there is a lot of denial. You know, the "This is not happening" kind of denial. Denial masks the pain, fear, and loneliness.

It took me three 7-day silent meditation retreats- about six months apart and a very skilled relationship coach to come to terms with what was really going on in my last relationship.

After seeing that things were amiss in my relationship in the first retreat, I went home saying to myself, "Ok, I can fix this."

But then slowly I got drawn back into the malaise of unreality. And everything seemed hunky-dory until I got to the third day of the next retreat six months later.

There I was meditating away, minding my own business when there it was, "Oh shit, things are still not right in my relationship. Damn, I thought I fixed this."

And you guessed it, I left the retreat with even more far-reaching solutions.

But it wasn't until the third retreat which I followed with a series of powerful relationship coaching sessions that I finally accepted what was really going on. Until then, all those amazing solutions I plastered on top of the denial didn't really stand a chance.

Isn't it time you find clarity in your relationship? To know exactly where it stands and what your options are...

And isn't it time you give yourself a shot at a truly loving relationship?

If so, let's start by taking a look at the essential elements of a loving relationship...

5 Essential Elements of a Truly Loving Relationship 

There are some essential elements that comprise a conscious relationship. In a sense, they are the key ingredients to a close and loving relationship.

It's effective to develop these elements in a relationship with yourself before or after you enter a conscious relationship. Then can develop an element such as trust and learn to trust yourself.

Once you embody these elements within yourself, it's natural to extend them to a conscious relationship. So the trust you've established with yourself provides a foundation to trust your partner.

Element #1: Conscious Choice

The only valid reason to be in a relationship is that you want to be. And to have a free choice, we have to be conscious of what we are choosing.

Because if you are choosing to be in a relationship based on unconscious patterns, you are not truly making a free choice. In a sense, your relationship pattern is choosing for you. It's like you're on automatic pilot and don't even realize it.

So a great place to start is to take stock of what you really want in your relationship. And what you don't want.

And what you want in your relationship may have changed. When you change sometimes the things you want in a relationship change. Or perhaps you are able to see what you want more clearly now.

So it is honestly looking at and ultimately choosing what you want in your relationship now. It's time to decide.

This is an opportunity to look beyond what you've read in books and what you have learned about healthy relationships. Sure you may want some of those things, but this is about what you actually want- not what you are supposed to want.

And different people want very different things in relationships. What your friends and family choose for their relationship may be useful to awaken ideas in you. But what you want in a relationship is a very personal and unique proposition. Your heart wants what it wants.

Because now you have the opportunity to choose and create the relationship that you would like to have.

Perhaps a place to start is to consider what shared interactions bring you joy. Another approach is to consider what you do not want in a relationship. Things that simply do not work for you.

Being honest and true to yourself becomes a guide for you to stay aligned with. It's very easy to lose track of what you want and allow it to be, well, something else.

Element #2: Relationship Clarity

Once you determine what you truly want in your relationship, it's time to extend that honesty (and courage) to look at what extent you actually have that in your current relationship.

Clarity is seeing things as they are. To do this you have to let go of how you need things to be. So it's seeing your relationship as it is- not how you've been telling yourself it is.

Clarity naturally starts with yourself. It requires a willingness to see yourself as you are. This takes a great deal of courage. Once you see yourself as you are, it is possible to see your relationship and partner clearly.

When we relate to someone in an intimate relationship, there's a tendency to project the things we would ideally like in a partner onto them. So clarity is discerning between who and what your partner truly is and what you projected onto him or her.

This opens the door to clarity. Relationship clarity is discerning what is about you and what is about your partner. Then you can begin to objectively sort things out.

You can see what you want in the relationship and what your partner wants. You can begin to explore whether these things are compatible.

From this perspective, it's no longer about blame. There's simply what you want and what your partner wants. And is there enough common ground between those things? Clarity actually opens the door to true compassion- for your partner and yourself.

Element #3: Acceptance

Unconditional acceptance is my favorite definition of love. It is the willingness to accept and receive your partner exactly the way they are in this present moment.

Of course, such acceptance of another originates from the ability to unconditionally accept yourself. Exactly as you are. It is accepting everything about yourself from the most beautiful to the most difficult to accept.

It really gets down to accepting our humanness. It has to become OK to be comfortable with yourself. It to be OK to be a Michael. Or in your case, OK to be a _________ (fill in your name). 

Once you do this, the unconditional acceptance naturally translates to your significant other. This unconditional acceptance is the basis for unconditional love.

Element #4: Trust

Like the rest of the elements, trust has to start with yourself. Once you trust yourself to have your own back, you can let go. And letting go is where we are heading as we move into the 5th element of intimacy.

When you trust someone else, you are taking a risk. It's trusting that if you trust someone and get betrayed, or if you love someone and have your heart broken, you will be able to heal and recover.

Sometimes trusting ourselves requires proving these things to ourselves. When you heal yourself from heartbreak, betrayal, or loss you are demonstrating to your heart that it's OK to let go.

This is often not a conscious process. But if you have prepared yourself in this way, you will be able to let go at the critical moment. It's yet another way that doing your emotional work prepares you for an intimate relationship.

Element #5: Intimacy

Intimacy is exposure and discovery. It is exposing how you truly are to someone. It is exposing what you are feeling and secretly thinking.  Expressing what it feels like to be you. It is pure honesty.

And... it is discovering what the person you are relating to is feeling and thinking. 

And of course you this may leave feeling vulnerable. You are sharing your raw and unedited feelings. It requires a willingness to risk.

But the practice of intimacy and the trust that it builds removes any barriors between you and the person you are sharing with. This allows the empathy of feeling what the other is feeling. It begins to break down any separation between you.

This intimacy can happen during sex, but it does not require sex to happen. Sex can be a way that you can share in this way. So can looking into each other's eyes or sharing the experiences of your day.

The Good News Is...

Having a truly loving relationship is totally possible.

If you’ve made it this far, you ALREADY know that integrating your spiritual nature into your everyday life is critical to your happiness and your ability to truly enjoy life.

But maybe you didn’t know that by bringing your spiritual well-being into your life using the Relationship Coaching Program that I’m about to share with you, you’ll also have the power to:

  • Clarify exactly what is going on in your current relationship and where you need to be with it.
  • Enjoy deep spiritual connection and intimacy with your significant-other and all the relationships in your life.
  • Have your relationships align with your passion, sense of purpose, and what’s most important to you.
  • Fully accept your humanness and fully integrate your spiritual nature with all the human aspects of your life.
  • Confidently speak your truth and walk with your heart open.
  • Feel the joy, aliveness, and well-being of your spiritual nature in your romantic relationship.

YES, these outcomes are totally within reach for you (whether you’re starting from scratch or hitting reset for the 10th time)...

... but they DO depend on taking a clear-cut, intentional approach.

One that is time-tested to be effective at guiding clients to fulfill and enjoy all the aspects of their lives for the past 35 years.

One that removes the obstacles to having love and purpose in your life.

And...

One that provides accessible guidance and support every step of the way so you can integrate spiritual well-being and purpose into your relationship, career, and daily life.

And if you’re still with me, then I couldn’t be more excited to introduce you to my FULLY REVAMPED Relationship Coaching Program.

But first...

MEET YOUR RELATIONSHIP COACH

Michael Hoffman

I have been coaching clients to have clear and intimate relationships for 35 years.

When I'm not attending meditation retreats, enjoying nature, or rooting for the Minnesota Vikings, I'm creating personal programs for people to awaken their spiritual well-being and purpose into their daily lives.

I do this by personally guiding and supporting one person at a time to directly integrate their truth, love, and spiritual connection into their relationships.

I developed the Relationship Coaching Program as a step-by-step approach to clarify the dynamics of your current relationship and access love, purity, and beauty.

So once and for all get down to the bottom of what's truly going on in your relationship, and how you can experience the closeness, love, and magic you have always dreamed of in your intimate relationship. 

Word on the Street

"I left my job working with a hypnotherapy group to start my own practice. A little more than a month later my wife asked me for a divorce and my world was upended. I was completely unprepared for this.

That is when I called Michael Hoffman. My wife and I did several sessions with him, and though it did not change the outcome, it helped me to see the huge roll that I played in this disaster.

More importantly, it caused me to realize that I needed help, and that is when I began to personally work with Michael on a regular basis. He helped me to fully understand the relationship with my ex and to make necessary amends to her and within myself.

The real core of the work I did with Michael is seeing how I have always been looking outward to define myself. What I have found in working with him is that I already had the resources within me to actually create the changes I wanted to make. For me, this has been the pivotal change.

I have to say, Michael held my feet to the fire and that is what I really needed. He helped me get in touch with trusting my heart and moving from that place."

James Barfoot

RELATIONSHIP COACHING 

with MICHAEL HOFFMAN, LCSW

Personalized sessions that clarify and course-correct your romantic or family relationships.

 

What do you want to experience in your relationship?

I’ve invested the last 35 years working in the trenches with spiritually-minded people to develop a coaching program that allows you to transition into enjoying a deep, loving relationship.

Relationship coaching is designed for...

  • People who know that something is off in their love relationship, but are not sure what to do about it- or if there even is something they can do. 
  • People who feel trapped in a repeating pattern of dating emotionally unavailable or self-centered people when all you want is a deep, meaningful love relationship.
  • People who are seeking deep emotional and spiritual intimacy and want to enjoy a spiritual partnership.
  • People in a relationship going through a life transition like empty-nest or retirement and want to work with their partners to reinvent their relationship and reignite some passion and adventure. And...
  • People who continue to struggle to bring the joy, well-being, and connection they experience in their spiritual practice into their relationships- ESPECIALLY their significant-other relationship. (There is nothing more painful than feeling lonely while you're in a relationship.) 

The Result Is...

Easy-to-follow Relationship Coaching Sessions that give you a crystal clear, *can’t fail* roadmap for bringing clarity, love, and intimacy into your relationships.

HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL GAIN MASTERY WITH:

Mastery #1: Relationship Clarity

This is where we’ll create a solid foundation. You will start by determining what is most important to you in your relationship and identifying the elements you would like to awaken in it.

Then I will guide you to establish relationship clarity by looking at your relationship exactly as it is, and then discerning what is about you and what is about your partner.

Here are the broad strokes of the first area of mastery:

  • Consider What You Truly Want in Your Relationship. This may have changed since you last checked. It's different because you are different. Time for an update! This provides an orientation for what you would like to create in your relationship (and perhaps who you'd like to create it with).
  • Identify the Elements of Your Loving Relationship. Perhaps it's the feeling of partnership and like you are truly in it together. Or the feeling of closeness and intimacy that you have always sensed is possible. Or maybe it’s being with someone that can love you exactly the way you are.
  • Establish Relationship Clarity. Relationship clarity requires the willingness to objectively see your current or past relationship exactly as it is. It's asking yourself: How are we together? What is the nature of our relationship? How would I describe it to someone that never saw us together?
  • Discern What's About You and What's About Your Partner. Once you see your relationship as it is, you can continue to deepen your relationship clarity by clarifying the things in the relationship that are about you and the things that are about your partner.

Mastery #2: Relationship Patterns

Awesome!

You’ve set your foundation! You identified the things truly want in your relationship and established some relationship clarity. You’re on a roll!

This second area of mastery is perhaps the most challenging and most powerful one of the bunch. The personal freedom and empowerment it creates in itself are easily worth the price of the sessions.

It requires rigorous honesty and courage to look at your relationship patterns. Once you see and understand these repetitive patterns, the rest of your transition to a loving relationship is inevitable. In this case, the truth really does set you free.

I will start the ball rolling by asking some questions and gently pointing some things out. You will participate in the investigation by looking at the things that have been holding you back. Challenging yes, but you can do this. We’re in it together!

Here are some of the things we will look at:

  • Notice Your Posture and Roles in Your Relationship. So now that you've begun to discern what is about you and what is about your partner in Session 1, let's focus on your side of the fence for a while. But not in a critical way, we are just looking to learn about how you are relating
  • See Your Relationship Patterns. These repetitive patterns rob you of your ability to choose what you want in your relationship because you do them over and over without realizing it. By becoming conscious of these patterns, you get the opportunity to choose something different.
  • Disempower your Fear and Limiting Beliefs. Your relationship patterns are usually associated with deep-seated fears and limiting beliefs. Becoming aware of fears such as the fear of intimacy allows you to disempower them which makes deep intimacy and loving relationship available to you.
  • Release the Patterns, Fears, and Beliefs that No Longer Serve You. Once you become aware of the patterns, fears and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you, it only makes sense to release them away from yourself. I use personal ceremony to create a space where you can release these things and commit to a relationship with love and intimacy.

Mastery #3: Relationship Integration

Here is where things get fun - and exciting :)

Now you’ve found relationship clarity and understanding of your relationship patterns, you can take things to a whole new level by bringing some of this newfound clarity and awareness into your actual relationship.

Here’s what you’ll soon be activating:

  • Create a Clear Intention for a Loving Relationship. Even if you're creating a relationship with the partner you have been relating to, this is an opportunity to create a new, loving relationship with them. When you offer your intention, it activates this loving relationship in your life. 
  • Introduce New Approaches to Your Relationship. There's no better way to learn about a loving relationship than doing it. In fact, it's the only way. I'll point you in the right direction, but the art of a loving relationship is learned via trial and error. But this is what you've been waiting for.
  • Feel your way through it. Notice what works and what doesn't. Your best guide is to notice whether the things you try lead you to feel close or distant. Do they create connection or separation? And adjust. Repeat those that create connection and discard those that create separation.

Mastery #4: Deep Intimacy

By this point, you have built a huge amount of self-awareness and intention. But now essential to experience some of that love and intimacy we've been talking about.

Ironically, many succumb to their resistance and stop here. But this is what I always wanted you might point out, but this is where it becomes real. Really real. It's where you share your heart and allow yourself to be loved.

While it's natural to feel uneasy being in new territory, let this be the grand adventure that it is. This is what you have been preparing for...

  • Create Shared Experiences. Together, you explore creating experiences to share and allowing others to naturally arise. Diversity is best. Fun experiences. Sad, formal, casual, adventurous, romantic, and practical experiences.  Different experiences evoke different things. All the world's a stage.  
  • Expose How it Feels to You. Intimacy is about exposure and discovery. And you can lead by exposing how the various experiences that you share with your partner feel to you. You will inevitably feel vulnerable. That means you're on the right track.
  • Discover How it Feels to Your Partner. Now you can invite your partner to share how things feel to him or her. This is best orchestrated by having an inquisitive mind. It si finding that place of innocent curiosity where you truly want to know what it is like for him or her. And asking.
  • Spend Time in the Three Worlds. There's your world, their world, and the shared world. Spend time in each. Spending time in your world allows exposure. Time in theirs brings discovery. And your shared world is your special place. This blended place creates a space the world has never seen.

Also Included...

A SELF-INQUIRY PRACTICE

Prescribed to You Each Session to Provide Integration

Prescribed Self-Inquiry Practice: At the end of each session, I will specifically prescribe a Self-Inquiry Practice to deepen your understanding and promote the integration of what we worked with.

Self-inquiry is a Buddhist practice of focused spiritual discovery. Traditionally, it's in the form of a question. For our purposes, I've expanded it to include a variety of self-reflective mindfulness practices.

It will be personalized to your unique spiritual and human natures, as well as, where you are at in your spiritual growth process.

It may include a self-inquiry question, journaling practice, spiritual practice, personal ceremony, behavioral awareness practice, or prescribed interaction with someone.

Questions Clients Asked Before Saying
 “YES" to Relationship Coaching

Relationship Coaching Session

$125

  • 75-minute Relationship Coaching Session.
  • Sessions take place on Zoom, Phone, or In-person at my Bend, Oregon office.
  • Individual Relationship Coaching Sessions and/or Couples Sessions.
Register Now

Relationship Coaching Sessions and Programs

Relationship Coaching provides a foundation for intimacy, love, and joy in your relationships. It walks you through a complete transition to a truly loving relationship. 

Relationship Coaching Programs are a series of coaching sessions and practices you do on an ongoing basis. It may include weekly or every-other-week sessions combined with a spiritual practice. Some clients combine regular coaching sessions with Sharing Circle Group Coaching.

Making a personal commitment to consistent sessions or a personal program for a period of time provides the most effective way to integrate deep intimacy, love, and connection into your relationships and throughout your life.

Still Undecided?

You’re ready to explore bringing a loving relationship into your life if...

1. You’re just getting started with bringing clarity and intimacy into your relationship, and you want to make sure it plugs it into your life right out of the gates by using only the most powerful, personalized, and easy-to-follow integration strategies.

2. You’ve been trying to experience a loving relationship for months (or even years), but haven’t seen noticeable results in your relationship. If anything, the gap between a loving relationship and what you've been experiencing has gotten wider.

3. You already KNOW the qualities you want in your relationship: Sure, you are open to some guidance as you go through the Relationship Coaching... but for the most part, you know what you want, and you are ready to enjoy it in your life.

4. You have no problem investing 5 hours per week as long as you know that every bit of energy you invest is a strategic and effective step forward in having intimacy, love, and connection in your relationship.

5. In fact, you’re ALREADY investing lots of time and energy doing things like reading relationship books, listening to podcasts, and doing spiritual online courses.

Only problem is, without a clear strategy that ties them all together, you’ve experienced nothing but discouraging “is all this stuff really working?” results, followed by crippling overwhelm around what to do next.

6. You want something that works: You have heard about or even tried relationship coaching or couples therapy before. You paid your money, invested the effort (and worst of all, got hopeful), only to land back in the same lonely and unfulfilling place.

You want a program that actually results in all this intimacy, love, and vulnerability you hear so much about.

7. You can envision all the things you have always wanted that will open once you experience a loving relationship in your life. You can just feel the love and closeness in your relationship, and the pure enjoyment and richness of a loving relationship. You’ve always known it was possible.

8. You’re excited to try the Relationship Coaching Program. Even if you’ve been side-tracked and let down before, you’re currently feeling a wave of renewed optimism.

You realize that by this time next week, you can be in the middle of the first session on finding relationship clarity which begins your journey toward the relationship you have always dreamed of.

If you caught yourself nodding your head to at least 5 of the 8 points above, then I absolutely cannot wait to meet you in the Relationship Coaching Program.

Relationship Coaching Session

$125

  • 75-minute Relationship Coaching Session.
  • Sessions take place on Zoom, Phone, or In-person at my Bend, Oregon office.
  • Individual Relationship Coaching Sessions and/or Couples Sessions.
Register Now

Relationship Coaching Sessions and Programs

Relationship Coaching provides a foundation for intimacy, love, and joy in your relationships. It walks you through a complete transition to a truly loving relationship. 

Relationship Coaching Programs are a series of coaching sessions and practices you do on an ongoing basis. It may include weekly or every-other-week sessions combined with a spiritual practice. Some clients combine regular coaching sessions with Sharing Circle Group Coaching.

Making a personal commitment to consistent sessions or a personal program for a period of time provides the most effective way to integrate deep intimacy, love, and connection into your relationships and throughout your life.

So if you’re still here...

Let me send you off with this.

By now, you already know the biggest difference between enjoying spiritual well-being of throughout your relationships, work, and life…

... and experiencing your spiritual well-being in yoga, meditation, and out in nature and then feeling the utter frustration of feeling disconnected in relationships, unfulfilled at work, and disheartened in everyday life all comes down to...

... integrating your spiritual well-being into your everyday life.

If you’re wanting to experience the sense of well-being of your spiritual nature as all-pervasive happiness in your everyday life, you need Relationship Coaching.

If you’re wanting to experience the boundless connection of your spiritual nature as loving intimacy in your significant-other relationship, you need Relationship Coaching.

If you’re wanting to experience the true purpose of your spiritual nature as lasting fulfillment in your life-work, you need Relationship Coaching. 

If you’re wanting to experience the unbridled aliveness of your spiritual nature as life-affirming vitality and passion throughout your life, you need Relationship Coaching.

If you’re wanting to experience the inherent belongingness of your spiritual nature as feeling part of a supportive community and all of life, you need Relationship Coaching.

and...

If you’re wanting to experience the undeniable intuition of your spiritual nature as the ability to deeply trust yourself, you need Relationship Coaching.

If you’re ready, I look forward to partnering with you to make the astonishingly beautiful spiritual qualities that you’ve experienced an everyday reality that you can embody and enjoy in all the various aspects of your life.

Relationship Coaching Session

$125

  • 75-minute Relationship Coaching Session.
  • Sessions take place on Zoom, Phone, or In-person at my Bend, Oregon office.
  • Individual Relationship Coaching Sessions and/or Couples Sessions.
Register Now

Relationship Coaching Sessions and Programs

Relationship Coaching provides a foundation for intimacy, love, and joy in your relationships. It walks you through a complete transition to a truly loving relationship. 

Relationship Coaching Programs are a series of coaching sessions and practices you do on an ongoing basis. It may include weekly or every-other-week sessions combined with a spiritual practice. Some clients combine regular coaching sessions with Sharing Circle Group Coaching.

Making a personal commitment to consistent sessions or a personal program for a period of time provides the most effective way to integrate deep intimacy, love, and connection into your relationships and throughout your life.