Video Summary:

When we're not consciously choosing what we do and how we move through life, we act from our old patterns, belief systems, and conditioning. So if we're not conscious and aware of something, chances are we're on automatic pilot and being governed by our old belief system.

And even when we are aware of something, but not making a conscious choice to act on that awareness, we're going to be controlled by that old belief system to some extent. So there's huge value in making conscious choices to act and move through life.

We typically begin being unconscious of a behavioral pattern and belief system, and then we become aware of it. Say my old pattern is to have misguided compassion in relationships. Once I'm aware of it, I can start seeing myself doing it. I might realize, “Wow, I'm doing it again.”

The value of coaching, reading books, journaling, self-inquiry, or therapy is that it brings awareness. This gives us a choice. Until we're aware we don't even have a choice. We're just automatically acting according to our old pattern. Once we have some awareness, we get a choice.

I want to focus on this stage of having the awareness of a pattern, but still being a little shy or afraid of making a choice. My truth is to really be free, we have to make a conscious choice and own it. We’re in essence saying, “I choose that. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's what I choose.”

It can be scary making a different choice than we've made our whole lives. We've had this pattern, and we've always chosen this. Awareness brings us to the it's the point where we see it happening in the present. We realize, “Wow, I could choose to not enable this person.” But we have to pull the trigger.

There may be fear that we’ll make the wrong choice, or not do it right. Or perhaps we fear if we do it, it's going to hurt somebody’s feelings or do damage to the relationship. These may be generated by the old belief system that tells us that terrible things will happen if we make a different choice.

So it takes a lot of courage to make that choice and own it. We may be choosing to say no to this person, and that may be scary. What if she no longer likes us? Who knows what will happen? We’re going into unknown territory.

There's value in making a conscious choice, even if it ends up being wrong. Once I own the choice I’m saying, “I'm choosing to say no and see what happens. I accept responsibility for the consequences. If I say no, and it ends up being causing damage, I own that. But I need to know. I've said yes my whole life.”

Then I can start learning. “I said no a bit harshly this time. Next time I'll say no, but be a little more gentle. Oh, this time I was a little too gentle.” I talk about Goldilocks, and being too hard, too soft, just right. It's trial and error. It's an experiment of, “I'm going to try saying no, and see what happens.”

But none of that happens until we start owning the radical choice of choosing something different than we chose before. That's when things start changing. We get better at the choices because we’re owning them, learning from them, and not beating ourselves up when they're not perfect.

We can collaborate with Spirit and the universe saying, “Spirit, I’m saying no to this person and this could get a little weird. Be with me in my choice. I'm figuring this out and it’s scary, so be with me.”

When decisions are made unconsciously, we don't feel like we're making them, so it can feel like things outside of us are making the choice. It begins to feel like life is happening to us, which can create victim consciousness. But when I make a conscious choice, it doesn’t happen to me unconsciously. I created it.

And then one thing's for sure. We’ll get a different outcome than our behavioral pattern. It's now live. Perhaps for the first time, we're determining the fate of our lives. If we make a mistake, the mistake's ours. So be it. We're consciously choosing our lives now.