Enough AlreadySep 13, 2021
Video Blog Transcription:
Lately in my work with people, as my clients and I are identifying the things that limit their lives and prevent them from having the things that they most want in their lives, it seems to trace back to this limiting belief of “I'm not enough”.
And when we carry this belief, we tend to create this maladaptive approach of accomplishing things to prove to the world, and ultimately ourselves, that we are enough. We think, "If I only can accomplish and succeed at this, then maybe then I'll be enough."
But of course enough never comes. In one sense, enough is never enough. Because what happens is even when we accomplish things, we still don't feel like we're enough. So the irony that happens is the more that we push and strive to accomplish things, the less that we feel like we're enough.
So it's really important to accept that this way of accomplishing things and doing more and more and more to feel like we're enough, doesn't really work. In fact, it kind of perpetuates the belief that we're not enough.
So what does work? What I've found is to go back to the source, back to the primary experience of when we first felt like we were not enough. There may be several of these things because we tend to recreate things, but pick one of them.
It may go back in our family of origin where we felt like we weren't enough to hold the family together, or we weren't enough for the family to get along and love each other. Or it may be that we felt like we weren't enough for our marriage to work, or maybe we weren't enough for our parents to stay together. Or we weren't enough to prevent this tragic thing from happening or a close relative or friend to die.
So my suggestion is to pick one of these primary sources of feeling like you're not enough and to really investigate it, from the perspective of your level of consciousness now. It's going back and looking at what actually happened.
It’s asking yourself, "What was it that made me feel like I wasn't enough in that experience." And, "Am I really sure that my not being enough is what led to the unfortunate outcome?"
And then it's finding some compassion for the person that I was then, and asking why was it that I made the choices that I did? I probably had a reason that made sense for me to make those choices at the time.
And doing this helps us heal the wound at its source, right? We're not trying to fix the secondary things of doing things to prove to ourselves that we’re enough. We're going back to its source, and we're healing the original wound.
And to do this it's really good to have guidance and support, perhaps a therapist, or a life coach, or a spiritual teacher, or someone that can guide you in this process. Someone that's skilled in this type of healing, because we're healing a very deep wound.
And that's a little different for each of us, right? Some of us may need to forgive ourselves, probably most of us need to forgive ourselves. Or we need to find compassion for ourselves or realize that we did the best we could at the time. And we just weren't able to do what we thought we were supposed to do.
So anyway, once we do this, we can find a new ethic, a new way of walking, rather than proving things with outcomes and only feeling like we're enough if we pull off the right amount of things.
So we can have a different basis to evaluate ourselves. We can kind of say, did I give it my best? Was it my best effort? And if it was my best effort, then it was enough. If there's more to do, then I can give it more effort, but that's enough too.
So anyway, that's my video for this week. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope that you have an awesome week and realize that you are enough in the things that you do. I will see you in a week.