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Expecting Things They Cannot Provide

Apr 02, 2024

Video Summary:

I've been seeing a pattern in the clients, coworkers, and people I bump into of seeking things from people, communities, and organizations that are not able to provide them. The things being sought include being appreciated, loved, understood, accepted, or validated.

The pattern includes a tendency to choose and reach out to people and organizations that just aren't able to provide those things. Many people may want to provide those things and some even promise to provide them, but are not able to.

When you seek these things out and it's not provided, it leaves a feeling of being betrayed and abandoned. It often triggers earlier experiences which are probably where the whole pattern started.

An example includes the numerous times I've listened to my coworkers talk about how they don't feel like the hospital appreciates them or the work they do. While these may be reasonable things to want, it's not hard to see that this hospital in crisis is simply not able to provide them at this time.

We can tell the hospital is not able to provide these things because my coworkers have gone through this cycle of betrayal numerous times. Typically if people or organizations are able to provide something, they will.

We could go to the morality of they should provide it, but that takes us away from the reality of the situation. What they should provide is different than what they can provide.

Another example is the expectation of going back to our family of origin and getting them to finally love and support you for who you are. Unfortunately, many families are not able to do that.

One reason we land in these experiences is the people that we have likely done a lot of work on ourselves. We came in with a lot of awareness. We're sensitive. We've done a lot of spiritual work. So we vibrate at a high level and have a higher level of consciousness.

A spiritual law on this states that people cannot comprehend what's going on at a higher level of consciousness than they are at. Rather they try to bring what you're saying into their level of consciousness distorting how they perceive you. They are not able to hear you or see you as you are.

An alternative is to look at these interactions and relationships as they are. That includes our family of origin, workplace, friends, and significant others. You could see them as they are and expect realistic things from them.

If they're not able to accept you as you are because they can't comprehend who you are, then create an interaction with them that's realistic. You provide this and they provide that. It's a transactional interaction. Transactional interactions may not work for intimate relationships, but work great for some situations.

An example is buying a pair of sunglasses. You give them $70 and get a pair of sunglasses. That's a straight transaction, and you're happy with your new sunglasses. You don't feel betrayed that they didn't love or understand you enough when you bought them, because you didn't expect that.

We set ourselves up to be betrayed when we expect people to provide things they're not able to. We can resolve this by trusting people to be who they are. We expect them to offer what they're able to offer. If we’re seeking love, let's find people and communities who are able to accept us as we are.

I offer sharing circles online and social gatherings here in town to provide arenas that can accept you as you are. So going there to feel acceptance and a sense of belonging makes sense. But going to a place that doesn't understand the love and belonging you need is a setup to feel betrayed and disappointed.

My invitation is to inquire about the people, organizations, and communities you interact with. What are they able to provide, and what are you expecting them to provide? Are you expecting them to provide something that they're not able to? And what experiences and feelings does this pattern create for you?

What do you think?

Leave a comment to share your truth on this blog topic below...

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