Video Blog Transcription:

(00:00):
One of the things that I've really been looking at in myself and with my clients and friends is that when things were not getting what we want in a connection with another human being. It could be a relationship, friendship, business partnership, or interaction. It's usually because the two different people are wanting different things.

I do a lot of relationship work with people, and when a relationship is not working or at the end of a relationship that didn’t work what we almost inevitably realize is the core of the relationship not working was that we wanted different things. It's not that one person was wrong, it's that we just wanted different things.

(01:09):
And the other challenge with wanting different things is it's even more troublesome is if we don't realize we want different things. And not only that, we think we want the same things. We make this assumption that we want the same things when actually we want different things.

And when we want different things, from our perspective it feels like we were used, taken advantage of, manipulated, or even betrayed. Or unloved or unheard. Usually, the complaints of an unhappy relationship- most of them from my experience stem from this.

(02:13):
So what to do about this? My premise is that if you want a clear connection with someone, it's your job to know what you are after and what you want in this interaction, and what they're after and what they want. In other words, your intention and their intention- it's your job to know both.

Okay, that's asking a lot, and maybe a lot of work. However, while it may be a lot of work on the front end, it saves you so much pain, time, and effort in the long run. So how do you do this?

(03:09):
Well, in some ways this is an extension of last week's video. I talked a lot about being in touch with your feelings and what you want in an interaction, in an experience. What are you really after? And it's being really honest. And even if it's not cool, it's realizing this is what I'm really after. So that's half the battle.


So hopefully you start with yourself and say this is what I'm looking for here. Even if it's a spontaneous thing while you're talking to someone and you see a possibility, it's asking, “What am I wanting in that possibility? What am I hoping will happen?”

(03:57):
And so this week, I wanna focus more on the other side- understanding the other person's intention. The phrase that I've been using for a long time is “hearing intent.” So how do we hear intent? We definitely listen, but it’s the way we listen that's really important.

I think we're used to listening with our minds, with our intellects, and we're used to listening to the content and the facts. Don't get me wrong, it's good to listen to the content and to what they're saying, but all also in addition to that, and I think even more importantly, we're intuitively hearing what's behind their words.

(04:50):
So it's not just the words, it's listening to what's behind the words. Why do we want to do that? Is it that people are just trying to lie to us? It's not like the people are necessarily trying to manipulate us, but if they're wanting different things, it just appears that way.

So the first problem is like we were last week, we're often not aware of what we really want. We don't let ourselves know what we really want, or we don't admit to ourselves what we really want in interaction. Well, the same thing's going on with them.

So when they say, I want this and this and this, they think that's what they want. It's not like they're lying to your face. They really believe that that's what they want. And so that's what their words will tell you.

(05:51):
So if you listen to their words, they'll say, “Oh yeah, I want a relationship that we can have lots of intimacy and have vulnerability, and you're like, “Wow, that's just what I want. You get excited. Right. It's like, oh yeah, that sounds great. Let's do that.”

And then you get into the relationship. It's like, “Whoa, I don't think this person had the same thought about intimacy as I did.” It’s because we listened to the words, we didn't hear their intent.

So I often talk about when we're listening to allow the energy, allow their energy, the energy of their words and their expression, allow it in. We see it clearly in our third eye, allow it into our heart, and our solar plexus. It's in our heart and our gut where we intuitively sense what their intent really is.

(06:49):
What are they saying beyond their words? It's by listening in this intuitive way. The way I learned to do this was through dream interpretation. Some of you know that I love to interpret dreams. I have this free dream interpretation class every other Tuesday night. You can find it on my website if you want, and you're always welcome. And bring a dream, and we can look at it.

But I've been doing this for like 35 years, and what I realized early on is that dream interpretation is an intuitive process. Yes. You have an understanding of the symbols, but it's an intuitive process.

And so you listen and wait for this knowing about what the dream is to come to you. That's what it's like for me when I'm listening to your dream. And so what happens if nothing comes to me, I'm not gonna make something up, or guess, or get into my head and say, “Oh, the symbol is about a rowboat,” because then I'm out of my integrity.

(08:01):
I'm gonna wait until I know what it is. So how do I do that? I'll ask more questions, “Would you tell me about the first part of that dream again? So if I'm ever interpreting your dream and I'm doing that, it means that I don't know what the dream means yet. And I want you to say it again, so I get more opportunity to sense what it is.

And the same skill can be used in an interaction. So if you're out on a coffee date or a first-time business meeting, and you are wanting to know what their intention is, you listen and can ask them questions. And you're not just listening to the words, you're listening until you get this knowing sense.

It's like, “Oh, that's what I think he's after here. And then you can ask clarifying questions. It's great to ask questions and listen to the words, but also feel the energy behind the words because your gut and your intuition of their intention will never lie.

(09:17):
You will never be misled or manipulated if you listen and hear their intent. If we listen to their words, we can get taken all over the place. Not intentionally, they're just in denial. They just are deluded about what they want. So you just listen and then ask more questions and listen, and sooner or later you get a good idea.

So you notice what their intent is, and then you remember to check in on your own intent. And then you see, “Do these intents match up here? Are we looking for the same thing, or are we looking for very different things, or maybe just slightly different things.

(10:08):
And now that you know what he's looking for and what you are looking for, you can ask, “Okay, what makes sense here? What type of connection should we have here? If we're wanting different things, we can have this type of connection, but it's not maybe a real deep connection. It makes sense to have this type of relationship or connection with this person.

And then we have choices. At least we have a foundation to stand on, because we know what the other person wants and we know what we want. And now, so what makes sense, if he wants this, and I want this? Is it too far apart, and we're just gonna be wasting each other's time?

(11:06):
We might want very different things and be in different levels of consciousness. Or is it close enough that maybe we can do this, but maybe not that? So you get the idea.

So my recommendation is to hear intent, and allow energy in until you hear what they're really after. They will always tell you who they are. They will always tell you what they're after if you listen from down here.

So that is my video for this week. Thank you for watching. I hope that you have a really cool week and you are able to listen and hear people's intent so you can understand where they're coming from and where you're coming from so you can have a clear connection. I will see you in a week.