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It Takes Two to Tango

Apr 18, 2021

Video Blog Transcription

(00:00):

Welcome to the Natural Way of Being video blog. This video is titled, “It Takes Two to Tango”. So have you ever wondered why some interactions that you have just seem magical and open and connected and both are just having this great connection and you're getting insights and it just seems amazing? And then other interactions that may even be with the same person, it just seems more flat and subdued. And you're left with, “Did I do something wrong? Why isn't it like all open like it was before? Did you ever wonder that? Well, I did. And so I want to start with a story, it was December of this last year, 2020, and we were just starting to do this thing Thursday night…


(00:55):
… called the sharing circle. And my friend, the one who requested the sharing circle asked, could we do it like a ceremony? She had done some ceremony at the solstices with us and she asked, "Can we do sharing circle as a ceremony?" And I'm like, "Yeah, that's a great idea because we're on Zoom and maybe it'll help people be more open, so it sounds good to me." So we started doing these sharing circles and I did a little meditation and then we did some smudge, some sage and we purified, and then I would call in the spirits and the energies that we were going to work with. And it was amazing because these sharing circles would go really deep and they would be magical. People were getting these amazing insights and these truths were coming through, and people were doing this major work.


(01:52):
It was really cool. I'm like, “This is amazing. I'm so happy about this.” And then I started doing that in some of my sessions too. I just would do the same preparation, for ceremony. But in the sessions, I wasn't doing it with the person like I was doing in the sharing circle which is kind of interesting, maybe I ought to start doing that with my sessions. But, anyway, some of the sessions would be amazing open mind-blowing sessions and, and others were not. And same with some of the shares. I remember one of my friends came into the sharing circle, and I would tell her how awesome they were. And then of course the one that she comes in, it's the one that was more subdued and had a little lower energy.


(02:35):
It wasn't as magical. And it's like, "Damn, I must be doing something wrong. I want to make them all magical and amazing. Of course, that would be a natural thing to want. And so I sat with it, it must've been like a month or so. And I prayed on it. I meditated on it. I did self-inquiry work on it. Why is it that sometimes it's magical, and sometimes it's not? And what can I do to make the ones that are not magical, magical? That was really more what my inquiry was. And, of course, I was doing more sessions and more sharing circles, which was giving me more information over the next couple of months. And I started realizing that what it really takes for that magic to happen is that both parties need to choose to be open at a really deep level.


(03:38):
If we're doing a sharing circle, we have numerous people choosing to be open at a deep level. Or maybe if I'm facilitating, I'm processing with one person and we're both open at a deep level, then the magic happens. And then other people are touched by the magic and then they open up and then it opens up more and more, and it gets more and more magical. So, what I learned is that my responsibility (and what I would maybe suggest your responsibility could be too), my responsibility was to be open. Is to get myself really open, create the conditions to be open, that's why I was doing the ceremony stuff. I mean, those are props and invitations for people to open at a deep level. And then invite them to be open.


(04:27):
And at that point, that's really all I can do. At that point, it's their choice whether they choose to be open or not. And then to the extent they choose to be open, I meet them at that level of openness, if you will, and then we work there. And then maybe partway through it drops down deeper into more openness. And then we work there. But it's really important that I realize that's my responsibility. And beyond that, if it's not open and I've done everything I can to invite them to be open, it gets to be about them. And then I just work with them at the deepest level that they're able to work. And this isn't just for sessions, right? I mean, some of you may be healers, or coaches, or whatever else, and this really works for you.


(05:19):
But this also fits just if you're having an interaction with a friend or a family member or a child. It's your responsibility in a sense to be open and to create the conditions and invite them to be open. And then beyond that, you've got to let it go. You gotta just let it go and invite them. You're almost enticing them, “It's really nice being open, come on and join me," and that's really all you can do. And then you relate to them at that level. And so the other thing to realize, the other thing I realized, is even when my sessions weren't magical, that doesn't mean that we weren't getting good work done. Some of the most powerful sessions didn't feel magical at the time.


(06:08):
What I later found out was something I said, kind of triggered them, they were actually a little angry at me because I said something. And then a couple of days later they had this magical breakthrough. But see, I walked away thinking, "Well that session, wasn't very magical. I wonder if I did my job." And so just realize that all we can do is be open and bring as much depth and beauty as we can to the interaction, invite them to be part of that, and then let it go. And then hope that it's open and magical. And so there's one other skill I wanted to share around this, and it has to do with the way we evaluate ourselves. Ultimately, our tendency is to do what I did when I started doing those ceremonies. Our tendency is to evaluate ourselves on whether it felt magical or not, did it feel open?


(07:10):
And we evaluate ourselves based on the outcome. Like, "Did it feel really amazing?" And then we evaluate ourselves on that. And that is based on what I've said, that is, we have some say in that, but we're also powerless whether the other person or other people choose to be open. So it's not fair to evaluate ourselves on that outcome, because I can't control like 50% of that, about. So what's more effective is to evaluate myself on, "Was I open? Was I open in that interaction? Did I create the conditions for openness? Did I invite them wholeheartedly? Did I help them feel safe in the interaction, so they had every possibility, every reason to be open?" And then I evaluate myself on that, rather than whether the magic happened or not.

So hopefully this is helpful. Use this in your interactions and give yourself a break. You can't be responsible for the magic. It's not just about you. You can only really be responsible for your part of the magic and hopefully, the rest happens.

So anyway, that's my blog for this week. I hope you have a really magical week, that you create the conditions of openness and that you have some really beautiful interactions. So thank you, and I'll see you in a week.

 

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