Video Summary:

Social arenas are a way to become part of a community, find friends, or find a relationship. A social arena is a gathering of people that ideally meet on a regular basis. Social arenas might include a yoga class, church, meet-up group, meditation class, wine bar, or coffee shop.

There are two ideal qualities of social arenas. The first is that it has people there that we can connect with and have things in common. And the second thing is that the activity we are sharing is something we enjoy doing. It’s more authentic if I'm going there because it's something I really enjoy.

I’ll share some personal examples. I just moved to Ashland, Oregon two months ago and I only knew one person here. So finding community became essential, or else I would have been very lonely and isolated. So I've been practicing this with some added motivation.

I want to be upfront about the fact that it does take some emotional energy to go to a new place, meet new people, and introduce yourself- especially if you're like me and a little introverted and shy in social situations. This also means there's probably going to be some resistance to following through.

I want to give you some of the social arenas that I've been exploring. The first one is that I have two yoga classes that I enjoy. Now I probably went to eight yoga classes to find the two that I like. When we go to a new social arena, we don't know if it's going to be a fit.

Another social arena is the YMCA. Ashland has a really cool YMCA that has a great community. I go there once a week for one of the yoga classes and another to lift weights. I also do a sauna and jacuzzi after each of these which can be surprisingly social.

The First Friday Art Walk was a no-brainer for me because I really enjoy art. So once a month I go there, and then on the other Friday nights I go downtown to see some live music either at the Shakespeare Festival stage, a bookstore that has live jazz outside on their patio, or outside at one of the bars.

Another social arena is an ecstatic dance group that has an established community. I’m not as passionate about ecstatic dance as some of the people there are. So here's one that's high on people I can connect with and not as high on something I enjoy. But I enjoy it enough that it feels somewhat genuine.

In essence, what we're doing when we're doing when we're going to social arenas is becoming part of a community. And some of these communities are already established. The ecstatic dance community has been gathering for twenty years and you can feel it.

While they were open to me from the start, they're little by little allowing me deeper into their community. They probably had other people that went for a while and then disappeared. Human beings don't really like it when they invest connection in you and then you disappear.

So some of the more old-school or introverted people may look at me thinking, “He seems kind of cool, but we'll see.” I don't think this is a conscious process. If I keep showing up they start investing more by embracing me.

I'm getting to know them, and more importantly, they're getting to know me. I'm becoming familiar to them. They're getting used to me. And familiar usually translates to safe. So as they get used to seeing me, it's natural for them to start connecting with me at a deeper level.

That's why social arenas are a practice. While I did get immediate results, I'll become even more established in these communities as I keep showing up.