Video Summary:

I want to talk about noticing that someone is in your sacred space that you do not invite to be there, or you could say when someone invades your sacred space. I listen to so many of my clients in sessions and sharing circles and notice that there are these uninvited people in their sacred spaces. 

And I can’t help but wonder, why is this person in your sacred space carelessly talking about or belittling something that's so precious to you? Why do we allow this? Our culture has become predatory in social interactions, advertising, and politics in that some people feel like they have a right to be in your space.

But even more common is when the folks that you are hanging out with are unaware that they're in your space. As a people, we've largely lost the sense of propriety of having respect for someone's sacred space, in this case, yours. 

Just to clarify, it's not wrong for someone to be in your sacred space if you've invited them and they respect you. If you're choosing to be intimate or share yourself with a partner, friend, or family member, that's intimacy. I'm talking about uninvited people in your space who are not respecting you.

The first of three steps to navigate this is understanding what your sacred space is. Sacred space includes the things that are precious to you and vulnerable. It also includes the things you may have some wounding on, sensitivity, trauma, or self-consciousness about. 

So ask yourself, What is important to you? What is sacred to you? What is precious to you? What makes you teary? What's a sensitive area right now that you don't really want people in your space talking about unless they're people you've identified that you trust? It could be around spirituality, sexuality, or family.

The second step is realizing that someone uninvited is in your sacred space. So how do we know this? An example includes unsolicited advice which seems to happen a lot these days.

Because perhaps you’ve noticed, everyone's a therapist these days. We've all read these books and know the Myers Briggs. Some might say, “Oh, you're afraid of intimacy.” And that's great if you invited them. But so often people analyze us or give us advice that we never asked for. 

Anger is a natural feeling that happens when uninvited people are uninvited enter your sacred space. And in that case, it's not a secondary emotion, it’s an essential, primary emotion that's telling you that you need to get this person out of your space. 

And that anger has an energy to it that we can utilize. That thrust of anger is there for a reason. It's a call for action for you to get them out of your space. Defensiveness, vulnerability, sensitivity, self-consciousness, and embarrassment can also be feelings that signal that someone's in your space.

Once know what your secret space is and realize that someone you didn't invite is in it, then what? In my opinion, you have two healthy choices. The first is inviting them to stay if they respect your space. And that means they need to play by your rules.

You make the ground rules and set the parameters for your sacred space. If they want to stay, they have to abide by your ground rules. This means you're the king or queen of your space- it’s not a democracy in there. You say, in this space, we don't do that. We do this. This is how we play in my sacred space. 

If they're not willing or able to play by your rules, your second choice is to ask them to leave. It becomes your responsibility to get them out of your space as soon as possible. You can simply say, “I gotta go now,” or you can be more direct and ask them to get out of your space.