Video Summary:

I've noticed we have this tendency as human beings to hang out in this undecided state in which we defer a decision. And, we tend to do this in the areas of our life that are most important. You can understand why as it's an important decision and we want to get it right.

For example, it could be the decision whether to stay in a relationship or not. Perhaps it’s the decision to get married or not, or to have a child or not at this time. It might be whether to stay in the job that we're working in, move out of town, or buy a home.

I've noticed we tend to stay in this undecided state for long periods. I suggest that this state is not a good place to hang out. Certainly, take the time that’s required to make such an important decision. They’re big decisions, so we don't want to make them lightly.

But often we tend to put them off for months, years, or until they're no longer relevant. You may have heard the phrase: not making a decision is a decision. My suggestion is to take the time you need, but work through it and actively choose a course of action to make the decision.

The obvious fear is making the wrong decision. We don't want to make the wrong decision, but there's going to be a strong argument for either choice - to stay in the relationship or to leave the relationship. So no matter which way you decide, it's always going to feel like you may have made the wrong decision.

So we guard against this by simply not making a decision. If we don't choose to stay or go, we don't have to deal with the fear of either being the wrong choice. But this keeps us in this limbo land and not much happens in limbo land. It's not a very dynamic or powerful place. Growth doesn't often happen there.

We're not even on the Medicine Wheel because we've stepped off the wheel of life. We're on the sidelines of life. In our example, we're not really in the relationship or out of the relationship. We're in limbo. There's not a lot of happiness and joy in this place. There’s not the vitality of feeling alive.

One thing we can do about this is draw on our warrior energy. It's that dynamic, yang, masculine energy that we all have regardless of gender. We can draw upon it to push through our inhibition and keep ourselves honest.

You can hold yourself accountable by saying, “Look, I need to make a decision here. What information and resources do I need? Perhaps I need to talk to a coach, therapist, or spiritual teacher. I may need to do some ceremony. It may take a month or two, but I'm going to start the journey toward this decision.”

This puts you in the active process of making the decision. You might say, “I'll give myself a month to do this and I'm going to do some sessions. I'm going to do this and I'm going to figure that out. I'm going to talk to some friends and family and then I'm going to pull the trigger.”

It can be a very scary and vulnerable thing to do, but it’s so valuable because then once you make that decision, you're back on the Medicine Wheel and your life starts moving forward again. You're now moving in one direction or the other.

Sometimes when clients do relationship work, I suggest they bring it to a head. Let's find out where the relationship's really at. This might be in the form of having an honest talk with their significant other. They might say, “I'm not happy in this relationship anymore and this is what I need.”

Or you could say to your boss, “This job is just not working for me anymore. Are you willing to consider changing my job description? Or maybe I could take a different role because I like working for you, but this is not working." These are examples of bringing a deferred decision to a head.

Saying things like this to your significant other or boss is risky, but it also involves them in your decision. Depending on the situation, it could be beneficial to let them know that you're having this conflict and ask them if they would consider trying something different.

It gets down to making a decision and being all in. It might be a trial decision, or taking some time apart in the relationship, but you can be all in with what you decide. It's not one-foot-in and one-foot-out. You're doing everything you can to make the relationship or job work, or you move on and not look back.

I always feel a huge relief when I finally make an important decision. But to get there, I need to hold myself accountable and not allow myself to linger too long in the world of this one-foot-in, one-foot-out place. Because it's not a productive or fulfilling place for human beings to be.